why all like this??

maybe becoz of my dad in hospital, recently, i find everything i do in life so meaningless.

looking at the old people laying in the beds in TTSH, somehow i cant help thinking that one day i might be one of them.

i cant imagine by then what would i have become. have i achieved what i want in life? have i live a meaningful life.

wait.... what kind of life is a meaningful life? this i really dunno.

my currently job, i dun dislike it, neither do i like it. what is the next step that i should take. days pass by one after another. have i learnt anything? have i achieve something? its seems time pass really fast.

the other day when i was in a meeting, a boring one. i was looking at the clock on the wall. the second hand is moving so quickly. 1, 2, 3, 4, .... 59, 60. 1 min has pass. what i have done? wasting time in a stupid meeting.

im 25 this year. mid-twenties already. what do i have? nothing proud to mention about. friends getting married, one by one. me? i dun even have a normal friend of the opposite sex that i talk to, so dun even have to tok about girlfriend

my current social circle is so small, yet i have no time to do something about it.

one week = 7 days. mon - fri, morning to evening = work. after work = visit dad in hospital or go home. sat & sun, morning to late evening, visit dad in hospital.

yes, im still worried about my dad. everytime i fear of losing him, but i dunno what to do. i can relax only when he is back to what he was in the past. but now, i cant. sometimes, my mind all blank.

a good example is now. i believe you guys must be wondering what this stupid guy by the name of jason is blogging about. all make no sense.. all in my brain, but nothing is processing. like all jammed there.

although my dad is getting better, but he still has to wear a oxygen mask becoz his breathing is not good. i dunno how long he would be able to get down to walk. his stomach so big, i wonder will there be a day that he can manage to slim down

my dad, he a very hardworking n smart man. work all his life, make a lot of money for us. he achieve alot in his career. but he suffer in health.

so what if one can earn alot of money when u cant enjoy life? maybe my dad enjoy his work. but i really hope he can retire after this. enjoy life abit. be like those happy old man taking care of grandchilden or have kopi at coffee shops, talk with a couple of good old friends. have no worries at all. healthy n strong.

sometimes i feel i failed as a son. i feel like didnt do enough to stop my dad from ruining his health. i feel useless when all i can do now is to look at my dad lying on the hospital all day long and i cant do anything to help. now it seems like all i can do is wait.

Dad please get well soon.